Sunday, January 18, 2009

Taxi Cab Confessions

One of my key drives to learn how to hongul mal (speak korean) is so I can describe my destination to a cab driver. Most don't know a word of English and some don't even bother stopping for my Caucasian thumb. Unfortunately, it is easy to confuse this language barrier with a sound proof wall, and the following story will serve to remind all...the back seat of a taxi cab should not be used as a confessional.

On Thanksgiving all the foreigners in Anseong gathered to share American food staples...Mac&Cheese, turkey, and jello shots. At this dinner a tri-pod was forged between Tom, a girl name Courtney and myself. Reminder: Tom is the British boy, I met my 2nd weekend out, who unsuccessfully attempted to prevent my tackling of pedestrians/Canadians. I have never met people that I have liked so instantly.

Courtney is a Scooby Doo character with a modern twist. She has an impossibly positive attitude, and is always ready with a "groovy", "totally awesome" or 70's dance move. At restaurants, I'm tempted to order her Kimchi with a side of Scooby Snacks. In her pre-Korea life she was a staunch lesbian with a shaved head and chip on her shoulder. She came to Korea to better understand her Korean/American girlfriend's roots. The girlfriend is history yet Courtney remains in all her bubble gum splendor.

The tripod was solidified after an unfortunate incident with a disgruntled singing toilet. The three of us were at a coffee shop when I came back from the bathroom perplexed, because the toilet had no less than 10 buttons. All I wanted to do was to flush, but Courtney rushed up to show me the toilet also sings. In the bathroom, She and I bent over the toilet to better hear the harmony meant to sooth even the most irritable of bowels. Courtney pressed the "audio" button, and both of us were mesmerized by the small spout that descended from the toilet tank, Courtney leaned in closer to get a better look at what she thought was an oddly placed speaker. The bidet sprayed Courtney square in the face, I screamed and fled the bathroom. When I finally looked back (still doubled over in laughter) I see Courtney trying to block Ole Faithful with both hands, soaking her entire right side in the process. By this time Tom, and the entire restaurant, were craning their necks to locate the source of the shrieks and sputtering. Courtney slowly walked back to our table, not so triumphant and soaked, with me hyperventilating in laughter by her side. After we sit down and explain, the brilliant Brit simply says, "Why didn't you just close the lid?" We have been the best of friends ever since.

Sorry about the toilet tangent...back to the taxi. Courtney and I have weekly dinners where we discuss the weekend and our Korea adaptation. This particular night, both of us are oddly coy about our weekend happenings. After dinner we get into a cab, and I burst..."Ok, I think I accidentally became a Korean mistress this weekend." She replies " Oh thank God, I think I had sex with Tom this weekend and have no idea what to do with a penis, I mean really, I just wanted to make balloon animals or something." Our talk for the remainder of the cab ride was dominated by these two topics. Sometimes I suspected the cabbie laughed after a couple of our more ridiculous/juicy statements, but he was also watching a Korean game show on his T.V. so I thought it was just a weird coincidence. In the interest of my Grandparents still talking to me after this blog, I will not divulge the details of the conversation, but I have never had such an embarrassing, absurd, saucy conversation...and of course when we get out of the cab the man says in perfect English "Have a nice day and thank you for that!" I hope I never see that cabbie again!

Epilogue: Courtney and Tom are dating and I am still ignoring calls from both Bruce and his secretary.

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